I just realised

...I've been putting off (for months!!) writing an email to my very good friend in Canberra because I am too embarrassed about being a stay at home mum. Too embarrassed about not having a 'real job' to tell her about. Too afraid of being boring because all I want to do is rave on about how awesome Pippin is (which is HUGELY AWESOME by the way).

Whoa. What is that all about?

I am going to write her an email about my TERRIFIC and PRODUCTIVE and ENJOYABLE life of baking, crocheting, homemaking, gardening and Pippin-wrangling right now.

Struggling to understand

I am struggling (as many people are right now I am sure) to understand and make sense of the wave upon wave of natural disasters that have caused so much devastation in Australia, New Zealand and now Japan. I am so lucky; my home is safe and my family and friends are too. I am going about my daily business, cooking, reading, playing with Pippin, laughing, talking, blogging.

Yet there are people out there who are frightened, homeless, injured, in danger. I can barely imagine what they must be feeling.

If there is a loving God who created us, how can He let these things happen? If they must happen, why to person A rather than person B? What did I do to deserve the many blessings that I currently enjoy? What did someone else do to deserve the loss of their family, their home, their livelihood?

I left the Catholic church of my upbringing a long time ago; I have lived a number of years as an agnostic and even an atheist. Recently I have been trying to find a place for God in my life again. I would like a simple faith, if I could find one. But there doesn't seem to be anything simple about it, in the face of suffering of this magnitude. In fact it even seems more comforting to believe, as Tennant does, that the things that happen to us during our lifetimes are the result of pure chance and not in any way part of some grander design or controlled by any divine being.

Right now I don't know what to think, apart from just being deeply, deeply grateful for the fact that I am alive, safe, and drinking tea while Pippin sleeps upstairs and Tennant plays some questy-adventure game on his computer.

Love,

Verity

So this parenting thing...

...is hard.

Pippin is nearly 16 months now and getting more independent and person-like by the day. I feel like I've hit my stride (to a certain extent) as a stay at home mum over the last month or two (yes, it really took that long... oh my) and I am lucky that Pippin is a bit of a creature of habit and seems to like the routine we have settled into, which looks something like this:

7am up and breastfeed
8am breakfast for all
8.30-10.30ish morning activities usually around the house but sometimes we run errands
11am lunch (I usually eat this with Pip, I am often hungry by this stage and it gets it out of the way so I don't have to waste precious Pippin-nap time on eating)
11.45ish breastfeed
12noon - 3pm (ish) Pippin sleeps and I do stuff (like blog, clean, crochet, sew, drink tea)
3.30pm afternoon snack
3.30-5.30pm afternoon activities, trip to the park or library, playgroup etc
6pm dinner (usually for us all - again it gets it out of the way so I can actually sit down later in the evening)
6.30pm bathtime
7pm breastfeed and then into bed

It looks very organised like that doesn't it, of course I leave out the bits where - on days that I am very tired or not feeling terrific - I spend time staring at Pip wondering what the heck to do to entertain him, or wishing that I could just do what I feel like instead of having to cater to his needs first.

On the other hand I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to spend this time with him. So blessed.

Yet simultaneously embarrassed... shouldn't I have a 'real job' and be doing something of 'real value'?

Oh, hang on. I AM. I just re-read this awesome post at Apron Strings to remind myself.

Because I DO have to keep reminding myself. It is so easy for me to minimise the work that I am doing here, now,  every minute that I am taking care of Pippin. Friends ask me what I've been up to, or new acquaintances ask me what I do, and I usually say 'oh, just taking care of Pippin' or 'oh, I'm just a stay at home mum.'

What I do is not 'just'. It is not 'merely'. It is not 'less worthy'.

I am actually raising up a human being and that is infinitely valuable work. It is NOT work that should be farmed out to others as a matter of course (although that 'village' that people always say is needed 'to raise a child' would sure come in handy sometimes).

Wow, I feel so defensive about this. I didn't really realise until I started writing it all down...

A quiet 'good afternoon'

It has been a long time since I felt I could fit in any blog posts here... It's not like I haven't been doing stuff; I've been doing lots of things: baking, making, running around after Pippin (now 15 months old and more amazing by the day), reading, cleaning... Oh and drinking tea of course (I've just started back on my tea blog as well).

I want to try and keep posting here though. I think it will be good for me, but I'm not quite sure what things will look like or the kind of content I'll be putting up. So please bear with me if things are a bit muddled, chaotic and jump around a bit as I strive to find my blogging groove again. That said, part of the reason I stopped posting for so long was because I felt like my little blog here didn't really compare with any of the other homemaking/baking/daily life blogs I read and enjoy and I felt discouraged and sad. This was part of a kind of 'my whole life sucks and is pointless' existential crisis that I went through around Christmas time in particular, I think. Plus the pressure that I was putting on myself to take pretty pictures and post LOTS wasn't very helpful.

But! As I have come to realise, I'm not in the blogging business; I write my blogs for fun and I don't really care how many people read this blog (although if you do, and you enjoy it, I'm very glad!)... So there will probably be fewer posts in general, and probably fewer pictures as well. If this means that Nice Life With a Cup of Tea is not to your taste that's ok and I will not be offended if you move on.

In the meantime... Here's a few things that have been inspiring me lately:

c\_/ this poem posted on Roots of She, a site I am coming to love more and more I must say.

c\_/ these Turtle Bars (I had never heard of them before, had you??) sound SO DELICIOUS, I am making them tomorrow!

c\_/ I got a sewing machine for Christmas (from my lovely family!!) and I made a blanket like this one - I'll post some pics soon. It is making me so happy every time I see it on our bed.

Love

Verity

Radical Homemakers - have you read it?

I'm reading it at the moment (on my iPad as an e-book, ironically but conveniently enough). I came across it mentioned on the Apron Stringz blog (which is awesome in itself) and have been working my way through it over the last week or so - I'm about two-thirds of the way through. It's incredibly thought provoking. I admit I picked it up, virtually speaking, because following the closure of my Etsy shop (which you can read about here) and entering into basically 100% full-time 'home duties' (as it was so lyrically put in my most recent mobile phone contract) I really, REALLY needed some reassurance that I am:

a.) Not lazy, and
b.) Making a valid and responsible lifestyle choice

particularly in light of the fact that many of the other mums in Pippin's local playgroup are heading back into the workforce.

And Radical Homemakers is reassuring - forcefully so - from that point of view. It is also quite an eye opener into some aspects of American consumer culture, although I am of course aware that the author has a particular view of the world and that this colours the way she represents that culture. I am just starting the section of the book which discusses the underlying 'how' of being a Radical Homemaker - the skills of nurturing relationships, redefining pleasure, rediscovering 'real food' (I think we do pretty well on that one already, honestly) and so on. I'm particularly looking forward to reading this section, I am sure it will be inspiring.

What I would also really like would be a book written about Australian Radical Homemakers... and to meet some... I would love to know if you have read it and what you think about it!

Regrouping

Well, over the last ten days or so I have had some very bad news and been very sick. Connected or not, who knows? It has been a pretty crappy time I must say.

Today, however, I'm starting to feel better physically and to get things back in perspective. I'm taking the time to get some household things done... Like folding the nappies (Pip has spent the last couple of days in disposables!) and sorting out laundry and making the bed. And I just did some yoga and had a cup of tea. (I also had to have a giggle while doing my yoga, because I had some rainforet sounds playing on my iPod, and the bird calls sent our cat hunting round the room trying unsuccessfully to locate their source.)

I'm thinking that maybe this afternoon or this evening I might bake some biscuits... Or anything really, because it is beyond freezing at our house today and having the oven going will be a good way to warm the place up a bit! This evening I think I will snuggle down with my husband, some tea and my Tea Geek course and do some tea-geeky study. I really feel like doing homey, comforting, quiet things. What about you?.

I am worth more.

Image via kind over matter

Trawling my way around the interwebs, I managed just before to stumble across the first pro-anorexia blog I have ever read (I am not going to link to it). I am feeling sad and confronted by the feelings this has brought up for me.

Those of you who know me well will be aware that I have struggled with eating issues for approximately half my life. I developed anorexia in my teens, pulled myself out of that, headed a pretty straight course to bulimia via a very strict vegan diet, and have been working for the last approximately 5 years to recover from the bulimia.

I am extraordinarily lucky in that while my eating disorders have often made me miserable they have not destroyed my life or my overall health. I am working on having a calmer, happier relationship with food. This blog, where I celebrate the things that I cook and eat, is part of this. It's hard work, especially when I am tired and stressed as I often am, but I can genuinely say that I am now on the road to being recovered, rather than just struggling, or even worse, pretending.

There is so much more to a meaningful life and a HEALTHY life than the type of food I eat, the amount I weigh, the way I look. This really is easier to remember and to live when I don't expose myself to media that suggest otherwise... but that's another post.

I came across the image at the start of this post on the Kind Over Matter blog and it stuck with me. It also made me wonder about how to define my worth in non-weight, non-food ways... but that's another post too. The point I want to make for myself and for anyone who is reading this blog today is this. Creating rules around food, weight, exercise and looks don't help. These rules can't protect me or you from real life. I am not a better person because I eat a particular way... or weigh a particular amount... or whatever. I'm me. I'm enough just as I am. You are too.

The other week I desperately wanted to weigh myself. My sister's scales are stashed in the back of the bathroom cupboard; out of sight out of mind, it's not helpful for me to remember they are there. But I desperately wanted to pull them out and reassure myself (?!) about my weight. I came so close to doing it.

And then I remembered the Kind Over Matter post and I was able to step back and kind of boggle a bit at what I was doing. HOW was knowing my weight going to be reassuring? WHAT kind of value was I placing on a random, meaningless number? WHY was I going to let that number determine how I felt about myself? Good grief, I thought - this is RIDICULOUS.

So I didn't get out the scales. I still haven't. I'm still anxious about my weight. But the difference between me now and me even a couple of years ago is that I'm able to put this anxiety in perspective and let it hang around without acting on it. Most of the time, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have your own struggles with food... 

c\__/ have a look at the If Not Dieting, Then What? website (or get the book from the library, or even buy your own copy) - so helpful, totally sensible advice.
c\__/ the Oak House has made, and continues to make, a huge difference in my life.