Australia’s most pressing political crisis came to an end this morning as Senator the Hon Walter Whippy declared he had the numbers to retain his position as Minister for Ice Cream. While less-crucial negotiations over the national government continue between the ALP, Coalition and Independents, Senator Whippy said he had cobbled together an agreement to fuse Raspberry First and The Australian Vanilla Party into a unity flavour that promises stability and deliciousness.
The announcement is a disappointment for The Chocolates and the Citizens Coffee Council, whose efforts to form a mocha coalition foundered despite natural affinities amid a bitter dispute over who was tastier. Sources close to Senator Whippy say that he rejected overtures from The Chocolates early on, fearing association with the Chocolates-dominated Neapolitan government of the 1970s. The latter still evokes unhappy memories of waffle rationing and unauthorised attempts to borrow whipped cream from shadowy Middle Eastern financiers.
While Senator Whippy declares he will serve out a full term, independent observers expect the unity flavour (already ensconced in the ground floor freezer) to last for no more than a single litre. Metaphor confusion has left insiders split on whether ambitious plans for sorbet reform are now on the front burner or whether they are to be put on ice. However, a commitment to transparency is likely to be met, with full ingredient disclosure pledged by all sides.
Dietary information: this ice cream contains milk, cream, sugar, egg yolks, vanilla, vodka, raspberries.
PS some of last week’s unheralded-but-rather-nice cara gelato remains to be eaten too (cara juice and zest, milk, sugar).
The Stressed Chef