My husband, herein to be known (for reasons well-understood by our intimate friends) as The Stressed Chef, is an avid maker of ice cream. (He is also an avid consumer of ice cream, a habit which I consider a most peculiar perversion at this time of year, but to each his own.) Most weeks of the year he churns a batch and takes it into work to share with his colleagues, and time permitting alerts them to the presence of a new frozen delight with an appropriate email. I'll be sharing these with you as they are produced).
In the grisly annals of heinous crime no greater enormity can have been committed than that lately visited upon the unfortunate berries of the infamous Freezer District downstairs. A discovery by horrified yet oddly peckish police inspectors has shown that the series of disappearances that had roiled the close-knit blackberry community was but the first step of a gruesome design. The person or persons responsible, of unknown identity but demonstrably diabolical culinary criminality, had evidently plied the missing blackberries with vanilla-laced vodka, rendering them insensible to the merciless pulping that ensued.
The crime came to light with the delivery of an insulated package to the unsuspecting functionaries of the constabulary. The container inside proved to hold an icecream within whose rich confines were strewn the mortal part of the former blackberries, arranged in a layered display of fruity gore that left transfixed onlookers unable to decide whether to weep or fetch a scoop. Affixed to the top of the container was a note claiming responsibility for the evidence of “my funny little games” within. Chillingly written in juice, the note was signed “Jack the Rippler”.
Investigations into the matter continue, though the gradual and inexplicable disappearance of the icecream has led increasingly plump detectives to issue public appeals to the perpetrator for further samples. In the meantime, unaccompanied berries are subject to a curfew, and members of the public are encouraged to examine the custardy-fruity evidence for themselves while it lasts.
Dietary information: this icecream contains milk, cream, egg yolks, sugar, blackberries, vanilla, vodka, lemon juice.
The Stressed Chef